The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you, tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions

Oh let's go back to the start

Running in circles, coming up tails

Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy

It's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures

Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science, science and progress

Do not speak as loud as my heart

And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me

Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles, chasing our tails

Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy

Oh it's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

Summed up in a song.

Rent

I feel like a vice is squeezing my chest.

What do I do?

I love you more than anything in this world (cept G-sus) even being okay with possibly destroying my friendship of 11 years with Ms. Cow.  I would do anything for you.

Pffh The reason why this is so hard though, is because I grew up as the third child.  Four years apart from siblings meant a lot of lonely games and a hell of a lot of imagination.  It meant being small and overshadowed, watching and listening to older sisters that I will forever be looking up to.  I stayed out of the way mostly and kept to my own little world.

I never really had to argue with my parents.  That was a job for my older sisters.  I was the good kid who agreed with everything and did everything mommy and daddy wanted.

You remember my wrist-cutting problem.  I remember at the time reading an article about cutting. It said: teenagers who cut and employ self-mutilation are most often the "good kids" who outwardly seem like the ones who have good grades, friends, and are generally happy."

Where do you think I learned to hide my true feelings?

Do you even understand the feeling when you hear something that absolutely kills you inside and you have to act like you're fine?

You are the most important thing that has ever happened to me and all I say is "Okay"

what the fuck is wrong with me

Is this all part of some stupid teenage rebellion when I pretend that I'm not dying inside?

Why do I do it? Why do I act towards my parents like I don't care about the restrictions they are putting on me?  Why do I put on a face so they don't see how I really feel about you?  Why do I always act like nothing affects me? Why do I pretend like my heart isn't being shredded to pieces? Why?

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of things not in the status quo.  I'm afraid of a bad home life.  I'm afraid of being cut off.  I'm afraid telling the truth.  I'm afraid of disappointing people.  I'm afraid of losing this incredible life that I have been so richly blessed with.  But most of all, I'm afraid of losing you.

When you called me tonight, I was so close to breaking down and sobbing my eyes out, but just knowing that you will always love me kept me straight and mercifully saved me from any awkward questions in the middle of church.

But now that dam has burst.

All I want is to just be able to be with you when you need me, to support you in all that you do, to love you forever.  All of this is my own stupid fucking fault.  If I had just done what I should have done in the first place, none of this would be happening right now.  

I was selfish. So fucking selfish.

I don't deserve you for being that selfish.  You've been nothing but understanding and supporting of me, through all my inadequacies and roller coaster emotions.  

Hearing you tonight, saying that if this didn't work out with my family,  you said you couldn't wait for me, not because I'm not worth it, but because that three years is a very long time to wait. You said you would focus on furthering yourself, in mind and body, while not actively seeking anyone, and that you would always love me, no matter what.  You said that we would change, change into someone we didn't fall in love with, changing into Strangers, Again.  Hearing you say that reminded me just how much you mean to me.

"Every relationship goes through states.  Where and how each stage develops is ultimately up to each person.  While we always hope for the best, we often can't avoid the inevitable." -Wong Fu Productions

I will always hope and I will always love you.

Lyrics of the Day:

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting

Could it be that we have been this way before

I know you don't think that I am trying

I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear its true

Because a man like you is impossible to find

You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended

I always swore to you I'd never fall apart

You always thought that I was stronger

I may have failed but...

I have loved you from the start.

-Secondhand Serenade: Fall for you

Watch all of the video. Especially starting at 13:50.

Too much

Do you even notice?

You're addicted.

Lyrics of the Day:

Bucket full of tears

babe you know Im here

Im here waiting

Close your precious eyes

and just realize

Im still fighting

For you to be with me

and sit under this tree

and we can watch the sunrise,

we can watch the sunrise

Wake up feel the air that Im breathin

I cant explain this feeling that Im feelin

I wont go another day without you

I know it feels

like no ones around

but baby you’re wrong

Just get rid of the fear

promise that Im here

I’ll never be gone

So baby come with me

we can fly away and we can watch the

stars shine

And baby you can be my love

Oh

Wake up feel the air that Im breathin

I cant explain this feeling that Im feelin

I wont go another day without you

Without you

Hold on I promise its gets brighter

and when it rains I’ll hold you even tighter

I won’t go another day without you

Without you

This is me tonight

no more games and no more lies

and I know its right

cause of the way you look into my eyes

and when I hold you tight

the worries disappear Im glad you’re in my life

Wake up feel the air that Im breathin

I cant explain this feeling that Im feelin

I wont go another day without you

Hold on I promise its gets brighter

and when it rains I’ll hold you even tighter

I won’t go another day without you

Without you

And I won’t go another day,

Without you

AJ Rafael: Without You

Teenage Angst

Life is crap.

1. Was failing Calc BC, not failing anymore but still basically am.

2. My mom threatened to take away the car

3.Still haven't gotten an acceptance letter

I am a terrible person, Mr. AHHCHOO. I know I texted you that about 15 minutes ago...but like when people ask me what your interests are or I'm trying to think of what to get you for Christmas or your birthday...I come up pretty blank.

Of course I could always say that your interests include wrestling, longboarding, and me...but what else?

I should know things like this. It makes me think of the days when we first started talking.

What the hell did we even talk about?

I feel like we don't even have much in common...all I know is that somehow I love you a lot.

I know we've been getting into a lot of fights lately and I think we've been taking each other for granted. We've just been pushing things onto each other without any consideration for each other's feelings. Due to ...recent events, I really don't want this to end at all. As naive, idiotic, and cliche as this sounds, I wanna be with you for the rest of my life. I told you once that when I pictured my life in 10 years, my goal was to be rich and successful, not married to AHHCHOO. But you're a huge part of my life now, in fact my world revolves around you. I was talking to Mr. Sven earlier tonight and about how our text messages would go something like this: AHHCHOO AHHCHOO AHHCHOO AHHCHOO AHHCHOO AHHCHOO AHHCHOO AHHCHOO MS. COW AHHCHOO AHHCHOO MR. JONAS AHHCHOO AHHCHOO AHHCHOO AHHCHOO AHHCHOO AHHCHOO AHHCHOO MR. SVEN AHHCHOO AHHCHOO AHHCHOO AHHCHOO. Without you, I'm pretty sure my world would collapse. This is dumb but the only book example I can think of right now is in New Moon when Edward left Bella...

Anyways, I just wanted to say that I hope this doesn't make you upset even though I'm really upset with myself and we SHOULD go back to the olden days of our long messages...once you get a new computer. That's password protected. From the JOYCHOO.

I need to know you. On a subatomic level. I want to be a AHHCHOO expert.

oh by the way. We made it past the 500 day pact ;D

and sorry I'm a jerk about your braces. you know i'm no good with my words and feelings so consider it my way of being sad about you having them in college. but like i said SUPERHOT when its over :/

and sorry I'm a jerk in general.

Hug it out? oh wait. this was a pretty one-sided conversation...

Lyrics of the Day

"If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea

I'll sail the world to find you

And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me
Every day I will remind you

You'll always have my shoulder when you cry
I'll never let go
Never say goodbye"

-Bruno Mars, Count on Me

zomg

Its been three days and I still can't believe this shit.

Lyrics of the day:

Woohha-a-ohooh
You got a secret
Woohha-a-ohooh
You couldn't keep it
Woohha-a-ohooh
Somebody leaked it,
And now some shits about to go down

-Ke$ha, Kiss n Tell

yousuck

You're upsetting.

And yes, as much as you tried to win back my favor tonight...I'm still upset with you and now majorly annoyed too.