I thought I did. I really did.

"You're going to honestly tell me that you found love at 17? Don't give me that horse shit."

OKAY FIRST OF ALL I WAS 16.

But really though. oh my god. That really hurts.
Now I don't know.  I put 3 and a half years of my life into this and now what?
What do I have to show for it?
Nothing but a broken heart, a shitty GPA, and a renewed appetite for alcohol.

What am I doing?
What the hell did I do last Friday night.  Who am I turning into.
I don't think I've ever gotten that drunk or done such stupid things.

I saw you today.  It's changed.  You're still so easy to talk to, but now there's so much tension.  There's no free and easy contact.  No holding hands. No brushing arms. No hugging.
Though actually you did try quite a bit.  I had my guard up like mad.
I don't know what you want from me.  I guess you consider yourself a free agent, but I can't see you that way.  You basically live with her.  You're dating all but in name.
Which also kinda pisses me off since it was her fault for you getting charged with possession and you're like not even mad about it.  If that had been us, you would have dumped me on the spot, making a huge scene, stomping out, leaving me to pick up the pieces, waiting for you to call only to hear you say you want all your stuff in a bag. yeah I'm familiar with the drill.
It seemed like you kept trying to say something.  But you wouldn't. Even when I directly asked.
So basically I can't tell if you're just too proud to say it or you're the world's biggest ass.

Lyrics of the Day:
There's a stranger in my bed
There's a pounding in my head

This a hickey or a bruise?

It's a blacked out blur
But I'm pretty sure it ruled
Damn

And we took to many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot
-Katy Perry, "Last Friday Night"

My faith in Humanity is restored

"Some people seek families.
Some people seek the best job.
But all I want is to find somebody
man, doesn't matter if I'm 29 or 49
To be able to realize that everything
I've done in my life led to the moment
I was able to meet her.
All I ask."

To be able to hear one of your closest friends actually say that just melts your heart.
Especially when our world has just flipped upside down and the people we thought were the closest to us turned out to have been playing us for fools the entire time.

Lyrics of the Day:

Love of mine, some day you will die

But I'll be close behind

I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white

Just our hands clasped so tight

Waiting for the hint of a spark

If Heaven and Hell decide

That they both are satisfied

Illuminate the "No"'s on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you

When your soul embarks

Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule

I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black

And I held my tongue as she told me,

"Son, fear is the heart of love."

So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide

That they both are satisfied

Illuminate the "No"'s on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you

When your soul embarks

Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see

From Bangkok to Calgary

And the soles of your shoes are all worn down

The time for sleep is now

It's nothing to cry about

'Cause we'll hold each other soon

In the blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide

That they both are satisfied

Illuminate the "No"'s on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you

When your soul embarks

Then I'll follow you into the dark

Then I'll follow you into the dark

-Death Cab for Cutie "I Will Follow You Into The Dark"

sleazy

Mr. Sven you're my last hope that my choice of male friends aren't all dickbags ruled by their hormones.

Shit went down.

Fun girls don't last forever.

how exactly do you feel about kevin now? like would you honestly 100% take him back?

like are you not mad at him?

" when we were dating I was 100% aware that he was a little shit that cheated on me twice and talked to other girls he knew I hated even after I asked him to stop. I was always upset with him but that never changed the way that I feel about him. So yeah. I'd take him back."

why dont you just give it a break. like dont get into a relationship and just chill for a little bit. i know its weird to hear it from me but i think thats whats the best for you right now girl

whatever kevin does, he is still my dearest brother. i know you're so good to him so i want to see you guys to have a happy ending instead of a period you know

i've seen a lot of girls. and honestly you were the best girl i've seen out here. and of course excluding (my girlfriend). i just feel like you need to marry kevin or else he's fucked

all he ever give me is bullshit and i dont really want to start an argument or like pushing him too far you know. its a life between you two, not mine

like he tells me youre slow and you have hearing problems and shit. he got mad because he called your name three times and you were staring out like wTF?

i mean like everyone does that like wtf lol...

like every time i ask him WHY, he can never give me a legit reason to break up with you. its always like bullshit to me lol

so it proves me right for saying that you are a good girl more you know

he either says stupid shit like that or like.. "she's just too boring man, she doesn't do anything."

and im all like WTF! that's the wife material, didn't you know that!?

I just wish Kevin can realize that all the girls who will drink and smoke and club with him will not last.

I mean they can easily find a new guy and leave him you know.

Fun girls don't last forever. None of them is ready for a relationship.

and im just trying to put that into kevins head

bars and shit... okay so what!? drink at home with a few close friends is more valuable like for real

i mean idk about him. but im one of those guys that if me and you broke up and you went out with another guy, i will not take you back at all regardless if yall had sex or not

i know you love him heels over head and thats why you would. i mean you can count on kevin, he is a good guy, really. just trying to have more fun. he expects way more than what the real world looks like

see. i promise you that he still cares about you and has feelings for you. he does realize how good you are compare to other girls, thats why he is still talking to you and to keep you around

make him realize how he is used to you and he needs you

let him reach out to you first

i feel like you're always on his ass texting and everything first. let him do it

it'll tell you how much he needs you

"All Again For You"

I couldn't sleep last night
I walked alone 
On the beach 
Where we always used to go 
When we couldn't hook up at home

I thought of you 
And the time we jumped the fence
Both sides ripped down 
We dove right in
And the cops chased us again

When you were mine
You know

We had it all in front of us
You were the one
I was in love
But you always hurt 
the one you lost
I couldn't get enough

You were everything
That's bad for me
Make no apologies
I'm crushed...
Black and blue
But you know 
I'd do it all again for you

Today, dressed up 
In designer drugs
Dedicated to the one 
I'll always love
The one who really messed me up

I let you take the wheel
And the driver's seat
Strapped in 
So you get the best of me
Now what's left are the memories

When you were mine
You know

We had it all in front of us
You were the one
I was in love
But you always hurt 
The one you lost
I couldn't get enough

You were everything
That's bad for me
Make no apologies
I'm crushed...
Black and blue
But you know 
I'd do it all again for you

I am standing in the ocean rain
Rough and ready
For your deadly game
I've got nowhere else to go

We had it all in front of us
You were the one
I was in love
But you always hurt 
The one you lost
I couldn't get enough

You were everything
That's bad for me
Make no apologies
I'm crushed...
Black and blue
But you know 
I'd do it all again for you
(You know I'd do it all again for you) 
(I swear I'd do it all again for you)

-We The Kings

Yay angsty songs

my hero

Kevin is an insecure tyrant to you

I saw it every day

Knew you guys weren't going to work

didn't wanna say anything

Hes just like that kid who got picked up too much as a kid

Now hes gotta have this stupid immature control over everything in his life

And like honestly

I manipulated him for fun

Just kind of fucked with his head a little

I really tried not to!!!

Yeah I like to expose his insecurity

For example playing LoL

or I'd just act a certain way

I mean I like him enough hes a nice guy to me

but he just looks scared to me

all the time

--------- knew about it because I told her

but I didn't wanna say much to you

I never messed with you once

I can't mess with someone like you

Because you don't hide any kind of insecurity or something

Like I feel like with you.... theres nothing to expose

You have like nothing to hide really

I can't mess with someone who believes in what they are doing

but kevin is so unsure about every aspect of his life

dropping a string of words can totally knock him on his ass

So like

I'm curious about you

Because to me your a mystery in the fact that you say you are super insecure

I just don't see it

I see you as confident

ITs just like

Your confident in your choices

You were confident that kevin was the one

Kevin obviously wasn't confident htat you were the one

At the same time though

Hes a giant inconsiderate baby

And I always though you were way out of his league personally

Only reason I coulds ee you being with him is that you wanted to help him out

With confidence, faith, making the right choices maybe who knows