Frailty

Today, I think I really realized how fragile life is and how much we take it for granted.
We often complain about our appearances, saying we're too fat or our eyes are so small or our noses are off-center.

Today, while realizing a book my uncle gave me could be used as a literary source, I searched for the author, got distracted by the famous picture of  "the afghan girl", which in turn distracted me to the story of bibi aesha, the girl whose nose and ears were sliced off by her husband.  Then for some unknown reason I was reading up on my marvel superheros and noticed one of the villains was called "the man without a face".  I was reminded of Aesha and spent the next two hours reading about victims of horrific accidents who had to undergo facial transplants and other types of transplants.  Many of the patients were either victims of shotguns to the face or were electrified directly on the face.  Several men were the small statistic of people who have very rare genetic defects that result in enormous tumors and skin flaps that covered their entire faces and caused them to go blind. One woman had her face and hands ripped off by a supposedly tame chimpanzee.
While it horrified me, it really reminded me how easy it is to be living your life without a care in the world then suddenly the next moment, you are maimed and disfigured for life.  Everything can be taken away in a single moment.

It really made me reevaluate my life.  I know I say a lot of the time that I'm too short, I'm getting kinda chubby, my knees are too crooked, but I also know that in God's eyes and your eyes, I'm perfect.
I remember once my mom told me about the day I was born and how she feared so much that I would have a defect and how happy she was when she saw that I was a normal little baby.  She was afraid because of the fact that the risk of birth defects and Down's Syndrome increase after the age of 35.  She had me at 36.

It really made me realize that I have no right to complain about myself.  I had no right to try to cut my wrists as a teenager.  I had no right to want more.

I have a wonderful life.  Parents who love me.  Sisters who love me (begrudgingly).  A boyfriend who loves me so much he has got to be my soul mate.  And even if he doesn't turn out to be my match, I'll always have God who has loved me more infinitely than all those combined.

But. I think it'll work out.  I love the guy.